Decrypting the ascent:
To ascend is to rise up. I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of “rising” means above levels of consciousness, human experiences etc, I won’t partake in making things unequal between each of our realities.
For me the idea of ascent is personal: I was in my hole then I was on the ground.
I felt victimized (and this is said with compassion).
I was lying down on the ground, with tears, knees in the dirt, then that series of moments of clarity showed me I had muscles in my calves, they showed me a way to get up, they guaranteed a struggled getting up, and I still need a cane, or someone’s arm, but I’m getting up faster than I ever did.
I’ve walked many steps on my path now. And sometimes, there’s an invisible wall I knock, I end up falling on my butt, I don’t know we’re back to being on the ground until we do and we get up.
In this metaphor, getting up is the psyche practicing its tools: I talked about tarot, I talked about research, introspection.
Let me introduce the cards that helped me get up the first time.
Back in 2016, I was very very very perceptive.The rawness of what I felt and sensed from my surroundings was hurting me beyond possible repair.
After years of being treated like a beggar (read letting myself being treated like a beggar) and treating myself like a beggar - I believed everybody - the World - was here to continue this discrimination towards me.
This is what I believed I deserved.
I felt rage & despair.
(Nice moment to introduce my astrological chart - I’m a Scorpio sun, Sagittarius Moon and Virgo Rising & Saturn squares my Sun - those who know, will know)
I even hated the way I perceived things. Because I sensed the real toxicity of others, and voiced it sometimes, I received rebuttal. Since infancy, I had been groomed in disliking my own inputs - considered as a paranoia and a somber perspective.
So here I was, feeling hurt, unable to voice the hurt because it means something ‘bad’ about myself that I see that people are hurting me.
How do you get out of this?
You introduce more layers to a perspective. You relate to it without drawing the construct of bad, good, or valid / invalid.
Flash news: Every one of your feeling is valid.
You feeling something makes it real. Makes it a reality.
Every one of your feeling is a reality.
It’s not something to be ashamed of, because we’re
1. all humans.
2. feelings are automatic, they are reactions to a trigger, a moment, an action.
3. you can’t control a feeling, only what you will do about it.
And this came with Tarot.
When you ask a question, using the Celtic Cross spread for example, you draw the card of the situation, then your conscious state about it. Around those two crossed cards, with their depth and complexities, you draw cards to signify time markers: how it felt before, how it evolves in the near future.
But the real gold of the Celtic Cross spread is the cards that signify how your subconscious feels about it, and how the situation is seen by your Highest Self aka what is the lesson you are about to learn from.
The last sentences of my first post in this series were:
"Only my intuition and my listening ear are my tools... and in the end, this is a way to learn life: surprises come, they are not malevolent, and only our gut instinct will guide us."
You are here to win levels of this video game.
The game, the matrix, the life is filled with opportunities for growth.This is the opposite of the victim mentality.
You get to win. And not winning against others, against the World, but grow from level 1 to level 99.
Amongst the cross that makes 6 cards, we dress a line on the right that goes up a level - a tower of components outside of our consciousness: the advice from your guides, a level up: how this situation is viewed by your environment, a level up: what you hope and what you fear and finally, what it might evolve into externally.
You ascend the tower: from a guided advice, through the filter of your surroundings' opinion into your actual root: your hopes & fears into the visible reality of its outcome: life experienced.
Try it for yourself, today.
One situation and one coping mechanism can be jail with no exit card. No one will ever give you a universal truth to unlock this - only their perspectives, their opinions, based on their own coping tools, and we are limited to some extent.
Digging into tarot, repeatedly, helped me to see:
1. I wasn’t crazy or paranoid, but pretty in tune.
2. There was a way, and layers within the way.
3. It’s up to me to partake in a situation where everyone’s agenda is transparent. I am not a victim, I am a conscious being who can dig and choose where to give of my energy and time.
4. The archetypes of the cards relate human experience, I am not alone feeling and surmounting these moments. There are algorithms, almost, of growing.
Get an extra friend on your side, an all wise and knowing friend.
Tarot is your friend.
If this concerns you and you'd like to talk to someone, dig deeper and find support, I'm here offering Transformation sessions: schedule our meeting.