Automaton vs Living being

Debunking a simple process, various experiments, and my thoughts on meditation…


Aaand exhale..

by Capucine — Originally published here.

“Pante Rhei — Everything is flowing.” - Heraclitus

Meditation practice became a trend in the last years. Its westernisation came a few years in my anxiety ride and I had to give it a try.

At first, mindfulness gave me a boom box for my anxious thoughts. It didn’t help. Not because I was ‘doing it bad’, but simply because it is difficult at first, and not to consider lightly. I believe it isn’t for everyone / every stage of life.

The intensity of my situation increased. I gave up, and started again under different formats, only to give up many more times. Being connected to my true feelings aggravated my panic.

A bridge was built between my illusions and the survival mode of my life.

Honesty sprang, and with it, discomfort.

I couldn’t enjoy a moment of silence. My tightness barged in every self-imposed torture / ‘meditation session’.

The help for my anxiety came from the people on my path. Listening to their different perspectives, their honest truths pressed a few buttons.

From asking and receiving help from my loved ones, I started to untie many knots, and accompanied with the zen practice, I’ve finally accessed moments of relief. A realisation started to emerge.

Having cleaned my mental process, I go through many layers of being, and understanding what we are made of. I made my own recipe of meditation, I can’t do mantras and omm-s, but silence accompanies my moments. And we are in almost-perfect communion.

Meditation is a process to reset.

Now, I describe it as my daily minutes of blank canvas. A real relaxation from putting more data in my eyes, ears and mind. Rather than do, rather than think, for a few minutes I am.

A being.

I anchor to my heart. I flush myself off the imported sensations of the day.

Several currents can get me to pay attention to my body, mind and soul:

concentrating on the breath, giving and receiving energybody scan from the feet to the top of your head by visualising different colours of flame / light entering your body and healing from the insidelearning to open the gate of alternative consciousness to witness your self in a different space.many more…

The state of my mind depends on my discipline, not on the chosen method to renew and implement my well-being.

It is different, and tough at first to see thoughts arise. I give them the necessary attention.

With curiosity, I try to not take them personally. Without destroying the ego (one of the discourse which keeps coming back), I give every voice their value.

Meditation is a gate to a new perception of the human experience.

Everything is temporary.


If you are very beginning to consider giving mindfulness a go, I found this particular program very well done, you can start the 44-day program offered by Zen Habits.Each of his exercises require a practice of 4 days. It only takes a few minutes of your day.Simple, bright, guided.

The 44 Training Program: Turning Uncertainty & Discomfort into Mindful Openness

For the people already practising meditation, but struggling with the daily discipline, this app helped me.

I work better under guidance, and Insight Timer has incredible resources of multi-languages guided meditations. What kept me going and follow my wish to make it daily is their reward system, seeing live data and statistics of the milestones I achieved really kept me returning to them and practising more and more:

Insight timer

I am practising every day without yet knowing the ‘rewards’, and the uncertainty has led me through different fields. Each one has been different from what I expected. But the price I paid is worth the peace I have now.

Originally published as part of Copious Copy — A series of letters between the Earth and you: a weekly cosmos of words about metaphysics and enlightenment, through science and spirituality, consider joining the conversation.

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© 2018 Multidimensional Guide - Capucine F